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5 People I’d Date before Christian Grey

Posted by Megan Plassmeyer on February 16, 2015 at 9:37 AM

This Valentine’s Day theaters were packed full of movie-goers anxious to see the newly released 50 Shades of Grey. However all I saw on the 22 foot screen were 50 reasons why I’d never want to date Christian Grey.

Let’s start by defining BDSM, the foundation of the “Christian Grey” fantasy. BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM). For people who practice BDSM, their slogan revolves around the idea of “safe, sane, and consensual.” So in other words, they act in bounds of mutually agreed limits. In 50 shades, consent is an optional concept. Although Grey and Steele sign some form of agreement of established limits, this contract is ignored as Steele says “screw the contract”, and “lovers don’t need safe words.” BDSM needs safe words.

Now aside from misrepresenting the foundation of BDSM, let’s look at the real screwed up concepts that this movie promotes. Half of the film Grey stalks Steele. He isolates her from her friends and family. He attempts to control her life. And oh yeah…he rapes her. Citing one scene from the book that gladly did not make the big screen, Steele tells Grey no in regards to having sex. Upon hearing her negative reply, he replies with “If you struggle, I’ll tie your feet too. If you make a noise, Anastasia, I will gag you.” He then has sex with her as she attempts to kick him away. THAT’S NOT COOL.

So why when I Google “Why is Christian Grey...” does Google want to finish it with “the perfect man?” In fact, here are 5 people I’d rather date.
1. The Six Flags Guy
Okay after all those commercials, the man has got to have a considerable amount of dough and dance moves.




2. Jerry from Parks and Recreation

Ol’ Jerry might be the office screw up, but he’s actually a hard worker.



3. Squidward Tentacles
The squid can play a mean clarinet.



 4. Zac Effron (Pre High School Musical)

I’m sure he has a winning personality.


5. Garbage collector

Because ultimately if I wanted to feel like trash, I’d at least want the professional treatment.




Ladies, we can do better.

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