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An Open Letter to Senator Mike Fair

Posted by Ryan Morgan on June 03, 2014 at 12:05 PM

Dear Sen. Mike Fair:

As an elected official, I'm sure you're a fair and reasonable man. I mean, your last name is "Fair" for goodness sake!

 

Back in the olden days, people earned their last names based on skills or qualities that their families were known for. . . Smith's were good blacksmiths. . . Millers were good at milling things... Goodfellow's were good people. . . I'm sure your family name is no different.

So I'm also sure that you just made a mistake.

You didn't block a bill that would teach kids medically accurate sex education facts on purpose, right? So, between you and me, which was it? What did you think the bill that you blocked was actually trying to accomplish?:

"Medically Accurate Sex Education Fax:" - Kudos to you Mr. Fair! Fax machines are a thing of the past, and no one wants a medically accurate fax machine! I mean, where would the paper even go?! Thanks for trying to save us from that bio-mechanical nightmare, and you’re forgiven for your mistake.

"Medieval'y Accurate Sex Education Facts: " - I mean, yea, those were some dark, dark times: with chastity belts, sheep skin condoms, and an overall lacking of anything resembling personal hygiene. We've come a long way since then as a society, and I totally respect you for trying to keep our penis's out of more itchy animal pelts and razor blades.

"Medically Acute Sex Education Facts:". . Sure, that's a reasonable bill to block: sex education class shouldn't be considered severe, critical, drastic, dire, dreadful, terrible, awful, grave, bad, serious, desperate, or dangerous. It's not fair for Sex Ed to be taught under acute conditions, so I appreciate your sentiment of sensitivity.

"Medically Accurate Sax Education Facts:" - Yep: music education students already get a bad rap in our primary school systems. . . "band nerds" . . . "band geeks". . . "losers".. . we've heard it all. Music students don't need the extra ridicule of having to be associated with the science nerds and geeks, so your concern for them would have been much appreciated. It’s not, but it would have been. . .

So no harm, no foul, Sen Fair. We get it, mistakes happen. I'm sure we'll all have a good laugh about this later once you own up to your blunder and make things fair again.

Your friend and citizen,

 

Mark Cox


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