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Fighting Domestic Violence

Posted by Nishikwa Mellerson on February 13, 2015 at 2:34 PM

dv.jpg South Carolina is known for many wonderful things, but it’s also known for some not so nice things i.e. Governor Mark Sanford, confederate flag still flying outside the state house and the state’s grueling Domestic Violence statistics. 

South Carolina ranks second in the nation for women killed by men according to the Violence Policy Center. Of the homicide victims who knew their offenders, 68% (26 victims) were murdered by a husband, common-law husband, ex-husband, or boyfriend (stats provided by sccadvasa.org).

It’s definitely a major issue in South Carolina and following the recent murder-suicide incidents on the University of South Carolina’s campus last week, stricter laws on gun control and protection to DV victims is needed (http://tinyurl.com/k8lmlpy). But while we are waiting on lawmakers to get their head out of a knot on protection rights here’s a couple tips on ways YOU can recognize violence against yourself or someone else.

Physical Abuse

  • Pulling your hair, punching, slapping, kicking, biting or choking you
  • Damaging your property when they’re angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.)
  • Using weapons to threaten to hurt you, or actually hurting you with weapons
  • Trapping you in your home or keeps you from leaving
  • Preventing you from calling the police or seeking medical attention
  • Harming your children
  • Abandoning you in unfamiliar places
  • Driving recklessly or dangerously when you are in the car with them
  • Forcing you to use drugs or alcohol (especially if you’ve had a substance abuse problem in the past)

Emotional Abuse

  • Calling you names, insulting you or continually criticizing you
  • Refusing to trust you and acting jealous or possessive
  • Trying to isolate you from family or friends
  • Monitoring where you go, who you call and who you spend time with
  • Demanding to know where you are every minute
  • Punishing you by withholding affection
  • Threatening to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets
  • Humiliating you in any way
  • Blaming you for the abuse
  • Accusing you of cheating and being often jealous of your outside relationships
  • Serially cheating on you and then blaming you for his or her behavior
  • Cheating on you intentionally to hurt you and then threatening to cheat again
  • Attempting to control your appearance: what you wear, how much/little makeup you wear, etc.
  • Telling you that you will never find anyone better, or that you are lucky to be with a person like them 

Financial Abuse

  • Giving an allowance and closely watching how you spend it or demanding receipts for purchases
  • Placing your paycheck in their bank account and denying you access to it
  • Preventing you from viewing or having access to bank accounts
  • Forbidding you to work or limiting the hours that you can work
  • Maxing out credit cards in your name without permission or not paying the bills on credit cards, which could ruin your credit score
  • Stealing money from you or your family and friends
  • Using funds from children’s savings accounts without your permission
  • Living in your home but refusing to work or contribute to the household
  • Making you give them your tax returns or confiscating joint tax returns
  • Refusing to give you money to pay for necessities/shared expenses like food, clothing, transportation, or medical care and medicine

Sexual Abuse and Coercion

  • Forcing you to dress in a sexual way
  • Insulting you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names
  • Forcing or manipulating you into to having sex or performing sexual acts
  • Holding you down during sex
  • Demanding sex when you’re sick, tired or after hurting you
  • Hurting you with weapons or objects during sex
  • Involving other people in sexual activities with you against your will
  • Ignoring your feelings regarding sex
  • Forcing you to watch pornography
  • Purposefully trying to pass on a sexually transmitted disease to you

 

Thank you South Carolina Coalition against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault (SCCADVASA) for providing these wonderful indicators. It’s important to understand many people who are involved in abuse leave on average 7 times before they make the final decision to permanently leave. Domestic Violence can have a strong effect on the mind of the victim making them feel worthless, needy, and even helpless. If you know someone who is currently involved in this situation please provide SUPPORT SUPPORT and even more SUPPORT. They may often think they are alone, so don’t feel hesitant to reiterate they are not alone and that they are truly loved.

Peace, Love and Blessings

Nishikwa Mellerson 


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